Let's rewind the clocks to 8:31am Mountain Time, April 1, 2011...
I walked into the restroom and proceeded to my favorite stall at the end of the room. There are obvious advantages of said handicapped stall such as, lots of room to move about, the handles on the wall to assist the standing up of the body, and the considerably larger bowl. However, there is one critical flaw. This stall has a door that opens outward, unlike the others which open inward. The inward opening stalls are easy to identify when they are in use. The door is shut. When they aren't in use, the door is slightly cracked, making it a simple task to identify an empty stall. On the flip-side, my favorite stall's door opens outward to accommodate those who may use alternative means of locomotion. Because of this, when the stall is empty, the door swings shut giving the illusion that it may or may not be in use. It's a gamble. Today, I took the gamble as I do most every day. Fate was not on my side, because as I put my hand on the lever to open the door, I was denied. The door was locked. A deep sinking feeling became my stomach. I was presented with several options at this point... do I leave the restroom and come back later? Should I select another stall to use? Decisions, decisions. I kindly responded with "Sorry..." My attempt to open his stall door must have been startling! Little did he know, the only thing I apologized for was the sequence of events that were about to unfold........
It was war.
I went into the adjacent stall. From past experiences, I've learned that other people in the bathroom refuse to make noise, resulting in awkward silence, thus forcing me to make the first noise. Today, it wasn't going to happen. I was armed with my new Droid phone equipped with Angry Birds. I whipped out the phone and played Angry Birds for what seemed like 5-10 minutes with absolutely no noise coming from the adjacent stall. I'd stay there all day if I had to. I wasn't going to loose this time. After the 20 or 30th level of Angry Birds, the man in the adjacent stall relented. I heard the unmistakable sound of the toilet paper roll spinning in the dispenser.
Victory!
There is no amount of propaganda, intimidation or demoralizing that can get the best of me. The handicapped stall is MINE and when faced with being forced to use the crappier stall (pun intended), I will fight with vigor, perseverance and determination. YOU WILL be the first to flush and leave. There WILL be peace in the men's restroom weather you like it or not! And so it shall be, amen.
-Serrated
