Uhhhh, hello?

 *tap* *tap* *tap*.... this thing still on?

Remember when blogging felt like the wild frontier of the internet? When an RSS feed was our compass, and “new post!” was the notification equivalent of a drumroll and a sample of the oh-so-sweet dopamine bump to follow. Ah yes… those were the days. I could humbly wax poetic about manual transmissions, using public toilets, or possibly create a new list… you know, because my last list had the highest view count and engagement… gotta chase that sweet dopamine! Who knows, I might just click Refresh just onnneeee moreeee timeeee!

And then came social media.

Not that social media started because of me or anything (though clearly the universe pivoted when I logged into MySpace in 2006 with my carefully selected "Get Up Kids" song in-tow...), but honestly, it feels less like evolution and more like a tidal wave of low-rent trash that washed away entire villages of our venerable blogs. Where once we had pages full of thoughts, musings, rants, and the occasional ramble about drunk transients, brain cancer from cell phones, removing paper sticky labels from new appliances, or sub-par fast food…. Or…. how it takes precisely seventeen bookmarks to truly organize your writing life, now we have 280-character posts, shallow stories, and algorithms that decide if your brain gets seen today. (heyyy maaaan…. Got any of that… DOPAMINE?!)

Blogs were like handwritten letters to strangers… messy, heartfelt, and delightfully unoptimized for SEO. (Keywords: cool blog, funny blog, insightful blog, hilarious blog, blogs worth reading, premium blogs, booty, tatas, V8 engines, beer) Social media is like shouting into a stadium full of newly-minted 2025 Dodgers fans while someone sells ads between your sentences. Both have their place, but let’s be honest… I miss the old place where you could bury a long post under five paragraphs of weird ass observations and people would still read. You don’t see that much anymore, just rage baiting and algos tuned specifically to ruin your day… LeSigh….

I suppose there’s a kind of poetry in that… if you squint hard enough. Blogs didn’t die, they simply became a nostalgic footnote while the rest of the internet sprinted (or spiraled) past. Yet here we are, occasional survivors of the old blogosphere, still thinking that long rambling posts are often exactly what the internet NEEDS! Not because they’ll go viral, shit no, man, but because there’s joy in slowing down, in placing one word after another, and in thinking perhaps someone still out there will read it.

So here’s to the blogs that once were… to the paragraphs, to the comments with thoughtful debate, to the “I just had my third Red Bull of the morning… let me tell you why in 4 short paragraphs.” posts that inexplicably felt like confessions, and to every blogger who ever clicked that dopamine button… I mean, publish button at midnight with a wry smile and nothing but a story to tell… here’s to you, man. Or woman, if you are one.

Now please excuse me while I find memes on Reddit to repost to BoomerBook.

-Serrated

Range Anxiety - The Electric Car Chronicles

Range anxiety. This is a phenomenon where the owner/driver of an electric car will fret the distance their electric car will go before the battery runs flat. The anxiety is often unfounded even in the face of clear evidence that the car will get them where they need to go. Logical, thinking people when behind the wheel will stare at that miles-to-empty figure and obsess over whether their journey will be cut short by no choosing of their own. The brain goes into overdrive, plotting and planning the most optimal course to point B, all-the-while consumed in the relentless calculation of distances… miles, kilometers. A calculation that inevitably will be entirely insufficient. After all, what if my journey takes an unexpected turn 20 klicks south and into the next county? How… how will I ever live to see another day? Did I get my will notarized? Did I clear the history on my browser? Death, it seems, is a very real possibility. Say goodbye to everyone you know.

Range anxiety is very real. I can say that I had a first-hand experience when I bought my own Nissan Leaf. It’s no laughing matter. I can truly see why the second-hand market for a Leaf is so poor, car shoppers don’t trust them yet. Range anxiety begins long before one takes the dive to buy an EV.

Fast Forward 7 months to yesterday. My range anxiety is entirely gone and I rarely give the “SoC”, or state of charge a second thought. I just know that the car will get me to where I want to go. Admittedly, I know before I leave that the trip is realistic. I’m also educated as to where the public chargers are located in the event my journey takes an unexpected turn. That said, I just don’t think about the range. I just… drive… the… car. And, what an excellent car it is. Comfortable, easy to drive, very few blind spots, lots of technology and widgets. This 31-year-old father couldn’t care less how atrociously dreadful the design is. The bulbous rear-end, the plastic’y looking tail lights. The bug-eye headlights, the disproportionate measurements of the midsection much like my own midsection. The plastic-chrome door handles….. …

No bother. I love the car, it drives nice.

… Until last night, that is. It started the night before. I forgot to plug the car in at home to supply the battery pack with its daily lust of coal electricity. I go out the next morning to leave for work and realize the state of charge was only about 54%. No big deal, I can make it to work and charge it there. The next bit was rather uneventful. The battery went from flat to about 65% throughout my 9 hours of indentured servitude. I made it home with about 25% to spare, but I needed to head back into town later that day. I figure I’d endeavor to visit the CHAdeMO quick charger at the Nissan dealer in the next town. I would need to drive a reasonable speed perhaps sans air cond. So, without giving it a second though I set off. Without suffering a single glance at the SoC, I took the I-15 onramp and barreled down the motorway to my destination at 84mph with the air cond chilling at maximum capacity. As I neared the desired motorway exit, I happened to catch the flashing of the instruments telling me I had run the battery flat before I’d completed my journey!!!!11 Just then, the Leaf entered into the dreaded “Turtle Mode”. That’s where the output of the motor was limited… the final breath of the electric drivetrain, a final farewell to the cruel world that would end just minutes down the road. I immediately ceased the use of all unnecessary equipments, reduced my overall speed and would barely grace the accelerator pedal with the weight of a feather. Range anxiety rears its ugly head once more. I desperately scoured the depths of my brain for the closest public charging station. The hospital! As if it was a beacon to deliver me from medical emergency, I pulled the car into the parking garage where I knew I could find a L2 charger. I come around the corner, only to find all EV parking stalls and charger cables were in use….

A Model X, Fiat 500e, Volt, and a Leaf.

“SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!” Passers-by gazing at my bemoan. I knew this was the end… It was time to abandon the car and check myself into the morgue just inside. We had a nice run, even if it was only just 7 months. Goodbye crueeeelll worrrl!!! Just as I had lost all hope, a thought crossed my consciousness… to perform the unthinkable. I would… GASP! UNPLUG The Chevy Volt. After all, I knew the Volt had a gasoline engine and a fuel tank on aboard as if a defector quell to my moral objective to violate another person’s charging vehicle.

I did it. I yanked that plug out of the Volt with a satisfaction that can’t be described with English words. I plugged my ill-gotten gains into the charge port of the Leaf to take delivery of that coal juice that was ever so sweet.

Reflecting on the atrocity of my crime, I endeavored to write a letter to the owner of the Volt to come clean and tell them what I’d done and put it under the wiper blade. Guilt sets in. Like a fever, I was 101.2% sure I didn’t want to be around when the owner returned. Emboldened with my felonious actions (and a 17% SoC), I set off on my way to find an unused charging station.

Decisions and consequences. Death.



-Serrated

Manual vs Automatic Transmission

Manual vs automatic... it's a question often asked by Americans. The answer is "automatic" 90% of the time, which really is a travesty of our era. It almost always comes down to a matter of choice, not requirement. The vast majority of the driving public (I'd estimate 99%) are fully capable of driving a manual transmission. I don't buy the argument "some families need an automatic". Baloney. It's only out of laziness and carelessness of consumption that almost all of Americans choose automatic of standard. It's estimated that nearly half of Americans are unable to drive a manual transmission. That is sad and treacherous. I don't buy it. I've never had a problem putting someone behind the wheel of my car and teaching them how to operate a clutch after some simple instruction and determination.

Go anywhere else in the world where fuel is much more expensive. A manual transmission is the rule, not the exception. And the notion that the "new automatic technology" is better than manuals of yesteryear or "the computer can shift better than you can" is preposterous. By nearly ever measure, a vehicle with a manual transmission is able to surpass EPA ratings, whereas automatics tend to fall short of their EPA ratings. Even the new CVT transmissions and fancy electronically controlled transmissions is just the proverbial "polishing of the turd". An archaic manual transmission design from the 60's is still capable of delivering efficiency that's on par with today's automatics.

It's simpler, costs less to produce, delivers better efficiency, cost less to maintain and above all, they last longer. Learn to drive a manual transmission and strongly consider purchasing a vehicle with a manual transmission for your next car. You will be a BETTER driver, you will be more in tune with the dynamics and capabilities of your car and you will have not settled for a fake and fabricated driving experience. Don't be the cliche American sheep consumer, ditch the automatic and never look back.




-Serrated

HOT and JUICY!

Back in December of 2009, I wrote an article on here about the things I hate. Number 8 on the list was about my experience at a local Wendy's in Spanish Fork, UT, near highway 6. (929 East 800 North, Store #2572) That entire rant was mostly about the customer service, but this article will focus on the actual quality of their food. --

A few months ago Wendy's introduced a new meat patty dubbed: 'Hot & Juicy'. More like old, barely warm, and dripping with fat! Their whole marketing ploy was that their patties were thicker and "juicier". I guess this lends to a perception that somehow this means better, so I decided to go give it a try. Not surprising, they decided that the new patty would also come with a 10-30% price increase on their whole menu. I ordered a baconator and a small fry. I took it back to the table and opened the wrapper. The "juice" was all over the inside of the wrapper and all over the bun. I took the first bite and realized immediately what they had done. All they did was increase the fat content of the meat, I would guess 70/30 lean to fat ratio. You can tell how much fat content the meat has simply by looking at the chunks of fat inside the patty that look like tapioca. It was just dripping fat. I ate it anyway because I didn't want to waste my money... that turned out to be a mistake. Later that day, I felt a churning in my stomach. The kind that comes only when you've over indulged on grease. Learning from experience, I decided to never get a Wendy's hamburger ever again.

Is 'MOAR MEAT'! better? In generally, I would say yes.... but I hardly consider manufactured, intensely processed fast food meat to be anything but the lowest common denominator. More crap is still crap... just more of it. Sometimes all I want is a simple, inexpensive sandwich that I can eat quickly. The Jr. Cheeseburger was one of those sandwiches. Well, with the new "juicy" patty came a 28% increase in cost and the quality and nutrition went way down hill. -- Not surprised.

Go way back to 2004, the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger was $0.99. It had a bun, Wendy's classic square patty, a little mayo, a piece of lettuce and two strips of bacon. It was a great deal and tasted great. I would often pay for a fry and drink with it as well. In my high school years, I probably spent $1,000 every year at that Wendy's store. My friends and I lived off of Wendy's. Well, they had their way with the menu again. They increased the cost of the sandwich to $1.39 over night, a 28% increase. Being the poor kids we were, we started buying from McDonalds who still sold great sandwiches for $1.00 (and they still do today) My friends, myself and everybody else I knew in high school pretty much quit going to Wendy's after that. It sounds funny, but the JBC was a staple and we were thrifty because we made $5.25/hr. -- Wendy's responded with their signature knee-jerk reaction and "slashed the price" of the burger. "$0.99 JBC is back!". Only to find that the lettuce was tiny, they took one strip of bacon, tore it into two pieces and called it the new JBC. Clearly they realized they made a mistake, their apology was a half hearted cop out and disrespect to each customer who apparently are just sheep to them.

Congratulations Wendy's... you've ruined your food (don't get me started on the fries) and any chances of taking my money ever again. The customer service issues, the blatant cost and quality cutting that come with price increases... Sorry, but your attempt to inflate your profits during a recession is a joke, just like the rest of your business model.

-Serrated

Music

A lot of people say the best times of their life were back when they were growing up. I'll invoke that cliché as well. Some of the best memories and experiences in my life were back in the 80's and 90's. Life was so simple for us kids. We didn't have to worry about anything, so long as we didn't cross Main Street alone and were home by dinner time. We went outside every day, no matter what the weather was like, just so we could see our friends and go cause trouble. Every day, we got dirty, got sand in our shoes, scuffed up our knees and elbows, caught lizards and snakes and added on our fort in the vacant lot around the corner. We didn't have to worry about waking up early, though we were expected to go to bed a decent hour. We didn't have to worry about where our next meal came from, or worry about whether or not our rooms would still be there when we got back home. We couldn't wait for school lunch. We looked forward to mashed potatoes every Thursday, and we ate every bite. We had the best cartoons EVER made, new every week on Saturday morning. We would wake up at the crack of dawn, sit on the couch while eating our Fruity Pebbles and watch shows like Looney Tunes, Thunder Cats, Inspector Gadget, Duck Tales, Rescue Rangers, Ninja Turles and Transformers.

It was a damn good time to be a kid in America.

What do our children have to look forward to? Secret Mountain Fort Awesome? Cow and Chicken? Terrible, mindless crap. What about music? Justin Bieber and LMFAO? What happened to the real artists and writers that could consistently make great things over and over again? How have we lost so much passion and become so disconnected? Our attention spans are so limited that all patience for anything is gone. Art, music, food, drinks, movies, cartoons, and even cars are so intense... so over the top, so in your face, they will do anything to grab those precious seconds out of your day to get your attention and show you an irrelevant advertisment. It's like we can't see the true greats in life that are right in front of our faces. We are obsessed with "over the top", when we should be looking for the simpler things in life and try to learn to be satisfied with the elementary. Instead we soak up the crap they they want us to see, hear, and eat.

Now that I am older, I understand and appreciate the way my parents raised me. I know I have only begun to realize the wiseness and value of their advice. I had my own ideas and opinions, especially as a teenager. I thought I had the whole world figured out. I now understand my parents a little better. I used to make fun of their music, food and choices of entertainment... now that's just about the only thing I like any more. I look at some of the all-time greats like Tom Petty; the music just speaks to me. It's so powerful, so overwhelming and emotional. It's hard to imagine what it must have been like for my parents to actually live the glory days of rock and roll as they were growing up. I can only hope that my kids will get the chance to grow up the way I did... to actually look back and be able to say "the best time of my life was when I was growing up". I can't with good conscience raise a child in social complacency like so many others do today.

Tom Petty and Thunder Cats are just some of the words that will continue to be spoken in my home. They're too important to me to let die.

-Serrated

Demolition Derby

I wanted to write a short note and wish you a final farewell, for Saturday is the Utah County Fair Demolition Derby in Spanish Fork. If I am killed, may this note serve as a memory of my existence. ---------- It was 1969. Richard Nixon was president, turmoil is brewing in Vietnam and Neil Armstrong takes the first steps on the Moon in the Apollo 11 mission (July 20^th). The New York Mets defeat the Baltimore Orioles in an unprecedented victory and one of the greatest baseball upsets of all time. Ford was producing millions of cars, including the Falcon, Fairlane, Torino, Ranchero, Pickup, LTD, Thunderbird, Mustang, and Galaxie.

I will be driving one of those Galaxies.

A 1969 Galaxie 500 Sports Roof. 1 of 217 made. The car began its life with a woman named Norma Anderson who purchased the car brand new in 1969 at a Ford/Mercury dealer in Ft. Collins, Colorado. The car was garage kept and driven every day for 30 years. Gentle care kept the car in showroom condition until the transmission failed with about 75,000 miles on it, she then gave the car to her grandson who now resides in Nephi, UT. He repaired the transmission and drove it for several years before an electrical issue caused the interior of the car to be burned to a crisp… it was more or less a total loss. It sat in his backyard until my neighbor in Spanish Fork sourced the car to participate in a demolition derby for a scene in an (apparently) upcoming LDS film. The car was half prepared for a derby so that it would look like a derby car, but didn’t actually function as one. The plan was to get a couple great wrecks on film, then trash the car. As luck would have it, the first hit in the scene caused a small part to fail in the engine would rendered the car useless. The car was towed back to the pit area and put back on the trailer where it would later be towed to a gravel pit and blown up in a last ditch effort to salvage some production value. After it was burned to a crisp (again), I happen to be driving by when my neighbor was unloading the car at his house, and I offered to buy it for $150. After tearing the engine down, it turns out all it needed was a timing chain for $27. The derby will be a fitting end for this old girl. She lived a glorious life and will go out in another blaze of glory (preferably without me inside of the car). It took three months to prepare, tireless welding, cutting, hammering and engine tuning.

I plan to destroy her in about 6 minutes.

This is my second derby. In 2009 I ran a 1988 Chrysler Fifth Avenue. The car was given to me by a woman who won the car in a divorce settlement. The car was her husband’s and she wanted to see it destroyed, despite having only 65,000 original miles and in mint condition. She attended the derby, filmed the entire thing (she thanked me graciously afterwards). Later on the that heat, my car caught on fire due to a pinched fuel line. To this day, I am the only one who has ever caught fire in the history of the Utah County Fair Derby. I was on the front page of the Spanish Fork press, the entry form for the next year’s derby and an instant celebrity around town. I had people from all walks sending facebook friends requests, emails and phone calls. “Were you the guy that caught on fire?!” It was true euphoria for me… total star power. Because of that, and because of my dangerous, risk-taking lifestyle, I was drawn to the derby again this year with my 69’ Galaxie 500, dubbed: “Proud Mary”.

LONG LIVE DEMOLITION DERBY!

-Serrated

Cancer

I was having a conversation with a colleague and he said something profound. It's caused me to research and reevaluate my stance on the whole brain tumor/cell phone thing. He said, "Perception is 90% of reality, isn't it?" while referring to Cigarettes. Tobacco products are perceived as "bad", right? It's continually beaten into our heads from a young age that they will give us cancer and all manner of other health ailments. The majority of lung cancer related deaths are in people from ages 65-74. I think it's safe to assume that most people start smoking at a young age... perhaps 18-20. Logical deduction concludes that it takes 30 or 40 years of smoking to contract lung cancer.

That begs the question.... What will 30 or 40 years of compulsive cell phone use do to our brains?

It's impossible to say at this point. Cell phones have only been around in the mainstream for 10 or 15 years and there's compelling evidence to indicate that cell phone use does increase the chances of a brain tumor.

Scary huh?

Just a quick note to think about.

-Serrated

RE: My Thoughts on the Think Tank

This is a reply to October 29th's installment. I'm writing about this again because I've conjured great joy in this achievement today. It was a victory for all men everywhere, except for one person, the man in the adjacent stall.

Let's rewind the clocks to 8:31am Mountain Time, April 1, 2011...

I walked into the restroom and proceeded to my favorite stall at the end of the room. There are obvious advantages of said handicapped stall such as, lots of room to move about, the handles on the wall to assist the standing up of the body, and the considerably larger bowl. However, there is one critical flaw. This stall has a door that opens outward, unlike the others which open inward. The inward opening stalls are easy to identify when they are in use. The door is shut. When they aren't in use, the door is slightly cracked, making it a simple task to identify an empty stall. On the flip-side, my favorite stall's door opens outward to accommodate those who may use alternative means of locomotion. Because of this, when the stall is empty, the door swings shut giving the illusion that it may or may not be in use. It's a gamble. Today, I took the gamble as I do most every day. Fate was not on my side, because as I put my hand on the lever to open the door, I was denied. The door was locked. A deep sinking feeling became my stomach. I was presented with several options at this point... do I leave the restroom and come back later? Should I select another stall to use? Decisions, decisions. I kindly responded with "Sorry..." My attempt to open his stall door must have been startling! Little did he know, the only thing I apologized for was the sequence of events that were about to unfold........

It was war.

I went into the adjacent stall. From past experiences, I've learned that other people in the bathroom refuse to make noise, resulting in awkward silence, thus forcing me to make the first noise. Today, it wasn't going to happen. I was armed with my new Droid phone equipped with Angry Birds. I whipped out the phone and played Angry Birds for what seemed like 5-10 minutes with absolutely no noise coming from the adjacent stall. I'd stay there all day if I had to. I wasn't going to loose this time. After the 20 or 30th level of Angry Birds, the man in the adjacent stall relented. I heard the unmistakable sound of the toilet paper roll spinning in the dispenser.

Victory!

There is no amount of propaganda, intimidation or demoralizing that can get the best of me. The handicapped stall is MINE and when faced with being forced to use the crappier stall (pun intended), I will fight with vigor, perseverance and determination. YOU WILL be the first to flush and leave. There WILL be peace in the men's restroom weather you like it or not! And so it shall be, amen.

-Serrated

It's that season again...

It's that season again! A season of giving and being thankful! I recently gave myself a brand new Emerson 1.8 cubic foot "mini" fridge. I brought it home and excitedly opened the box. I sat it out on the table... and then I saw it. A massive "ENERGYGUIDE" label constructed only of paper, glue, discontent and frustration. For some reason, they felt the need to plaster it right on the front of the fridge; in a place that was sure to require removal.

This is yet another example of a problem that has plagued me for years. For some reason, manufacturers seem hell-bent on using these paper labels despite the obvious inconvenience placed upon their consumers. For a few cents more, these guys could use a plastic label which completely comes off when you pull it. The paper label tore despite my best efforts to be patient and slow; trying 4 times, once in each corner.

You would think that these people are smart... Somehow they've figured out how to engineer a complex appliance. Their designers have mastered refrigeration and efficiency. The paper pushers have mastered the art of logistics, offshore manufacturing and countless other financial feats. It required a behemoth global effort to put this fridge in my hands. Yet these people cannot seem to master the simple task of proper placement of a freaking label. If it really came down to the cost of the label, why couldn't they have put the label on the back... or hell, the SIDE of the fridge?! Worst part about all this, I actually damaged the finish on the fridge getting this label off. Now there's a permanent scar on my brand new fridge because of the incompetence of some amateur schmuck at Emerson. All I've got to say is "THANKS" and to remind you that karma can be quite unpleasant.

http://www.emersonradio.com/

-Serrated

My thoughts on the think tank...

You know? A man should be able to take a dump in peace, really. Is it that much to ask? When you go into the bathroom and there's somebody already in the stall next to you. They don't make a single noise. They don't move, they don't even breathe. They know that YOU know they are there yet this sit and don't make a move. Forcing you to let it all loose while they listen. I must have been in there for 4 minutes waiting for him to breath, cause I wanted him to relent first. If I had a newspaper to read, I would have stayed in there until every single last letter passed under my eyes. What a freaking awkward and displeasing visit to the loo. I would like to propose a federal law requiring the installation of speakers for the playing of music or a white noise generator in each bathroom across the country!
Furthermore, DON'T TALK TO ME in the bathroom, especially at the urinal. That's the cardinal rule of the men's bathroom. If you want to have watercooler talk, then speak to me at the sink... or THE WATERCOOLER!



-Serrated

The Top 12 Coolest Car Names

Let's try something a bit different and focus on some automotive chimera. An automobile with a meaningless name will never rank among the likes of such extravagance like the Ferrari Testarossa. The easiest way an automaker can doom a car is by giving it a name like "Tercel". If you continue on you'll read about twelve special cars that have always stood out to me.

1. Hyundai Genesis

Why is this car number one? Because it's Genesis. It's the beginning. The name is pretty

distinguished for a Hyundai but don't worry. There's ample car to go with the name. Hyundai really outdid themselves with this automobile. I've been quite impressed at the way things

have been going for this Korean car company. They have improved their offerings and overall quality tenfold in the last decade. However "Genesis" isn't just a cool name. It has true meaning and the technology to go with it. This car was designed with an enthusiast in mind... rear wheel drive. A 6 speed transmission. A V8 with massive literage compared to Hyundais in recent memory. Light weight construction. Great fit and finish and quality of materials. Most importantly it doesn't look like a pile of crap. (See: Hyundai Tiburon). This car didn't meet the accountant chopping block or perhaps it did but to a lesser degree. The power/drive train configuration and standard features are particularly appealing. I like it.

2. AMC Ambassador

Have you seen this car? This thing is like a seagoing barge with four wheels. Built by the American Motors Corporation. The same company that brought you the legendary 4.0L I6 from Jeep. I drove one of these cars years ago and I loved it. I don't know, but I seem to have a strange fascination with massive cars. Similar to this car and narrowly escaping this list was the Ford Galaxie. Must be the American gene kicking in.

3. Hudson Hornet

Classy. Probably one of my favorite cars from the era. Hudson merged with two other companies in 1954: Nash Motors and The Kelvinator Appliance company to form AMC. Two years prior to the merge, Kelvinator invented and released what is now known as the side by side refrigerator. One of the first frost free fridges. Quite the odd couple, eh?

4. Aston Martin Vanquish

Probably the most sexy car in the history of the universe. If looks could kill, it'd be that signature Aston grille. There's no mistaking the looks and sound of a V12 Aston.

5. Dodge Viper

America's best attempt at a super car. I've always loved some of the crazy concoctions from Ford and Shelby, but the Viper wins my heart all day long. Lusting after the crosshairs in the grille, I've been tempted by lesser Dodges before. Still, the Viper is one of the best names in the industry and it's got plenty of performance and style to go with it. America still does muscle best.

6. Toyota Supra

The only "Toy" to appear in the list. In generalities, I hate Japanese cars. I find them to be dull and boring appliances. But if I am being honest, I have to give the Supra it's dues. One of the coolest automobile names to ever come from Japan. If I am still being honest, I'd take a turbo Supra over a M3 any day.

7. AMC Javelin

AMC makes yet another appearance in this list. This is one of the most underrated cars I've ever seen. Take a look at the radical lines and unorthodox dimension attributes. This is a crazy cool car and for once it actually came with a name suitable for the styling. Once again... if looks could kill... Perhaps it did kill a lot of people with it's terrible crash ratings, but that wasn't the point here. This is a cool car with a cool name and it deserves a lot more credit than people give it.

8. Chrysler Imperial

Webster defines Imperial as "of superior or unusual size or excellence". This was Chrysler's flagship for decades and it really did set the bar for luxury. Other automakers tried but could never quite match the distinction and supremacy this car brought to the industry. No, Chrysler wasn't trying to impose communistic propaganda with this car, although many conspiracy theorists claim it did. This was a great time for Chrysler... Cadillac may have dominated the class, but the Imperial definitely out classed the Caddy. A great car and a cool name. Oh, and they make fantastic demolition derby cars too.

9. Ford Falcon

This car was named after an agile and vivacious bird. These damn birds have been clocked diving at speeds more than 200mph. Were talking about a small bird weighing less than a pound. Anyway, Ford picked a great name for one of the best selling compacts at the time. It went fisticuffs with the Plymouth Valiant, Studebaker Lark and Chevy Corvair. The car looks great and it was cheap.

10. AMC Gremlin

Ughh... another AMC!!! You might be thinking that I am biased to AMC by now, but can you blame me? Collectively, this company had better names for more cars than any Italian or German brand put together! The Gremlin was probably one of the ugliest cars ever made... outdone only by it's little brother the AMC Pacer (as made famous in Wayne's World). Ugly or not, the Gremlin will forever go down in history as one of the coolest names ever. I will own one of these things strictly for this reason.

11. Bentley Arnage

I can't say I particularly like this car but if I am being honest, it's got that classic English disposition. It's the very embodiment of British form. I'm sure they spent millions just developing the name for this car. Amongst other things, it has 500hp, seats made from one single piece of leather (and the barbed wire pricks the cow got into), to the 2500 year old wooden trim that was risen from the depths of the ocean to the wheels machined from one solid piece of aluminum. 6,000lbs of pure British excellence. Something you should expect from a $270,000 car.

12. Lamborghini Countach (koon - tosh)

Directly translated from Italian, this means "Oh Wow" or something beautiful or particularly striking. One example I heard a while back if you see a beautiful woman walking by, you'd say to your mate "Ooohhh countach!". This car definitely has the most radical design of any car in this list and it's got the energy and substance a true supercar should have. It was kind of crappy and unreliable, but it had a lot of the most important thing a car can have... Soul.

I hope this list opened your mind to the wonderful world of motoring. It's a huge part of our lives and culture. We should enjoy motoring and let it fill our lives with joy and excitement. The love of the automobile has changed my life forever.

-Serrated

Boycott Ebay!

I recently sold some items on Ebay. It's been a few years since I last had the opportunity of partaking from their services. In that amount of time, Ebay has nearly doubled the cost of doing business with them. They now charge a 9% commission on every single thing they sell. Couple this with the paypal fees, which are anywhere from 2-6%. My Paypal fees are 3.15%. So... to sell an item on Ebay, it cost me 12.15%. More than a tenth of the sale price. Forget making any profit.

Here's my scenario. I sold a brand new cell phone for about $112. Ebay took $9.45 immediately off the top. Then, paypal took about $4.00. Add my shipping charges to that, another $10. That's pretty much 1/4 of the total sale already eaten up before I even see a dime. RIDICULOUS! How is that sustainable?

The last nail in the casket (at least for me) is I learned that Ebay quadrupled their profits this quarter compared to the same quarter last year. Interesting. This company quadrupled their business when other businesses are going under and people are losing their shirts. Sure, that's a great business plan, but what about the employees and customers that built that business for you? I think this is a stab in the back. I for one will NEVER use ebay ever again. I will gladly let my items rot in a storage unit for all of time before I let Ebay make one more penny off the sale of my products. A small fee is acceptable, but 10-20% off the top before I see a dime is highway robbery. I'll just take my stuff to the free classifieds or pawn shops for that matter.

SCREW EBAY!

http://www.ebay.com
http://www.paypal.com
http://www.craigslist.org


-Serrated

I hate World of Warcraft.

World of Warcraft recently celebrated it's 5th anniversary. I have been involved in WoW for the better part of 4 years. I must say, to make it simple, this game is an abomination. It's evil. Everything about it is wrong. 67.5% of all divorces in 2008 were caused by World of Warcraft. 9 million children between the ages of 12 and 18 dropped out of school and were subsequently kicked out of their homes. World of Warcraft is even responsible for 175 million acres of deforestation and 17 species in those forests have become extinct. And worst of all, there are more socially broken nerds in the world today than ever before in recorded history. All thanks to this alternative reality called "World of Warcraft!". Prince Arthas is sure to get the last laugh from all of this, knowing that the evils of the Lich King have infiltrated the very homes of 14 million subscribers!

It is the cheapest form of entertainment ever to grace my pocket book since the release of Napster. I as well as others like me play WoW every night. Let's say that if tomorrow I were to quit WoW and go out to dinner and a movie with friends 2 nights per week. Lest we not forget my wife who will accompany me on these bi-weekly outings. A ticket to an average evening film is $11. The food, which includes dinner and snacks at the theater... $35. Then, the gasoline and other hidden costs of about $10. That's about $134 per week. I'll do some math and round that down to around $500/month for dinner and movie entertainment. This doesn't take into account circumstances such as... the wife wants to do go karts, or mini golf, etc... etc. Were looking at anywhere from $300 - $1,000 /month for entertainment. HOLY CRAP! WoW costs me $14.95/month for unlimited use. That means WoW costs me about $3.75 a week.. translate that to 1 drink at the movie theater. GRRR... I hate World of Warcraft!

The writers and developers at Blizzard cunningly saw the coming of the age of television and sought to swoop in and steal those TV nerds destined at a highly productive life of eating Lay's potato chips and Coca-Cola Classic. How evil these people are! The fat and lazy nerds were tricked into leaving their TV sets for a world where complex strategy and planning is required to achieve even the most simple of tasks in their alternative world. A place where your senses and reflexes are sharpened. WoW even requires physical activity of pressing keys and moving the mouse along those evil little mouse pads! I have never seen such hell and damnation on the earth today! GRRRR!!!! I hate World of Warcraft!

To make matters worse, Blizzard has somehow figured out how to create a never ending game world. A world where there isn't possibly enough time in one's life to finish all the possible scenarios, professions, quests and skills! Before WoW came in and ruined everything, one used to be able to play a game and finish it in a reasonable amount of time. Now, there is no limit... no cap... no end in sight for this evil, evil game and it's mechanism for the devil to come in and eat the minds of mankind! Even worse, other game developers can't sell as many cartridges and game disks because many of those players have been sucked into the realm of WoW death! World of Warcraft is an economy killer! Blizzard is made up of a bunch of power hungry communists! Joseph Stalin is smiling down on his creation. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! I hate World of Warcraft!

As you can see, World of Warcraft is quickly becoming an issue of national security. Our government must act to stop this plague from spreading like a wild fire. Our very livelihoods are at stake here people. No-Action is not an option!


-Serrated

Top 10 Things I Hate...

10. Crappy vehicles.

Number 10 on this list comes from recent experience with large snow drifts and a 2x4 equipped vehicle. My brand new Ford Escape came with traction control and tires fit for snow. Unfortunately my company decided not to spring for the 4 wheel drive which I thought came standard on most SUVs. I was wrong and I found out just how wrong I was when I tried to help my friend get his car up a steep hill near his home. The vehicle has good ground clearance and pretty big tires. I had no problem getting through some deep snow drifts near my house, so I figure I wouldn't have any trouble aiding my friend and his car. Well, turns out my Escape was just as bad as the Millenia I tried to save. I couldn't get my car to go up a plowed, clear hill. I actually had to turn around and go up the hill in reverse. (don't ask me why this worked, it just did). If it weren't for the assistance of a redneck and his 4x4 Chevrolet truck, we would have been screwed. So there you have it... A brand new vehicle can still be crappy. A 2x4 SUV is one to add to the crappy list.

http://www.fordvehicles.com/suvs/escape/

9. Internet downtime.

I am getting real sick and tired of the internet going down. I don't understand what is so hard about keeping the service going. The lines are underground, the equipment is fairly new and the people that designed the system seem relatively intelligent. So what's the problem? I called the 24x7 help line which is apparently put in place to "help people 24x7". The guy that picks up sounds like a zombie with his voice box removed. It was clear that I had woke the guy up from a deep sleep. I asked "Are there any problems you are aware of or a maintenance window I should know about?" he replied "not that I know of". I told him that I was working late and just got kicked off.... to which he had no response to. He had no clue what was going on. I don't even think he knew he was talking on the phone. I don't blame him... considering I just woke him up. Sooo... WHAT IS THE POINT OF A 24X7 LINE???!!! Obviously this guy is getting paid to be on call, so why can't they fix my internet or atleast give me a good reason for it to be down? I wouldn't make such a big deal out of the internet going down once or twice a month, but this seems like a regular occasion. Mind you, this is after I fought with them for three weeks to figure out why my modem would get knocked off the network every 15 minutes. I've had a pretty good experience with this ISP for the last 7 years, but their customer service and line quality have been going down fast over the last 3 years. I used to love recommending them but now, I'll just send people to Comcast.

http://www.sfcn.org

8. Rude, lazy or inconsiderate fast food workers.

I ate at the Wendy's in Spanish Fork tonight. I went inside looking forward to some of the ketchup they have in the pumps there. That's really the only reason I go to Wendy's is for the ketchup. It's real good. I haven't found ketchup that tastes quite like that. So I order a fry and a small frosty. My buddy orders a burger and some other things. While this acne infested teenager was taking our order, he was carrying out a nice conversation about cars and women with his friend who was working the drive through. He had to ask us several times what we wanted cause he wasn't paying attention. My friend and I hate fast food tomatoes, so he asked for them to be removed. I heard him say it... twice. He get's his food and there's tomatoes on it. Thanks. The last nail in the casket was when I went to get ketchup for my fries (the whole reason for the visit). And the sauce pumps were empty. I kindly asked if they would refill them. I waited 10 minutes, eating half my fries without sauce. Finally I got up and said "Are you going to refill the ketchup tonight?" To which acne boy responded "I can't do it right this second, sorry" and he threw a box of ketchup packets across the counter to me. I took the ketchup packets, emptied about 40 of them on my tray and finished my fries which were now cold.

It seems like when I go to this restaurant it's a crapshoot if I am going to get good food anyway. 50% of the time I get fries that are old and soggy. They overcharge on their menu, they now charge you for extra sauce, their workers are real asses and the food doesn't really taste that great anyway. There are too many good workers that are unemployed right now to bother wasting time with lazy, retarded people. If I had employees that treated my customers that way, they would be out on their asses faster than they could flip a burger. Of course, coming from Wendy's, that doesn't surprise me. Do yourself a favor and eat at Burger King, McDonalds or Carl's Jr. They still know what it means to compete for business and provide a pleasant experience.

http://www.wendys.com

7. Simple flash games with a monetary agenda.

There are a few flash games in my life that I have tried to enjoy. Bloons Tower Defense, Farmville and Ninja Warz. Most flash games are funded by ad revenue, but these flash games have gone rogue. Now that they have a loyal "customer" base, they are offering items, services and tactical advantage to the highest bidders. What is more lame than competing in a game with other people who have paid real money for better weapons and tactical advantage? I really can't think of anything. These people are seriously paying into nothing... thin air. You get nothing for your money other than a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that you defeated people who didn't buy the same weapons you did. Honestly, it just takes all the fun out of the game when you undermine this simple formula. So not only do they get cash from the idiots that choose to pay for skills instead of earn it themselves, they get ad revenue from the people they screwed by adopting the monetary strategy in the first place. All I have to say is "THANKS" to the developers that forgot where they came from. Once again, people have found a way to charge for something that should be free. Go join the ranks with Enron, AIG and GM. You will fit in well there. SCUMBAGS!!!!

6. Mactivists.

A mactivist is somebody who chooses only to associate with Apple made hardware. Such as the iphone, mac book, ipod, etc. These people have a superiority complex that is just staggering at times. You can plot down a piece of hardware in front of them that is superior in every way and they brush it off only because it doesn't bear the coveted half-eaten rotten apple on the front. They will defend their hardware tooth and nail and will even resort to physical violence, vandalism and other forms of petty crime to make their point. They have an endless source of verbal banter, which I believe they rehearse in their free time. I actually judge a device on what it does and how it can help me in my life. Apple, HP, Sony... whatever the brand. I know a good product when I see it and I don't let that kind of crap bother me. I will own a device if it's good, but these people will buy any crap apple puts on the shelf. It doesn't make sense. Somehow, apple has convinced these people to pay top dollar for poor quality Chinese made junk. Why in the world would you pay $2,500 for a laptop? Those are prices reminiscent of 1995. I'll take 2 high end HP laptops, a box of cool accessories, and a 2 year subscription to Netflix instead. Apple is the pinnacle proprietary products laced with planned obsolescence. Take your rotten apples and give them to someone who cares.

http://www.apple.com

5. Political radicals.

Glen Beck, Bill O'reilly, Keith Olbermann, Michel Moore and Sean Hannity. Need I say more? Really? Does it really make you feel better to listen to people that share your opinion? Why can't you go out, research the issues and make your own educated opinion? Do you need the media to do that for you? I sure as hell don't want the media making my opinions for me. The media feasts on turning people into sheep to become loyal sources of ad revenue. These people make some of the most insane, controversial and radical comments I have ever heard. To anybody with a gleam of intelligence in their brain, this crap obviously has little or no truth... But people still seem to soak it up cause they believe that becoming a loyal follower will somehow promote their political agenda in the world and give them a sense of belonging and importance. Can't you watch entertainment with at least a spec of quality to it? There are so many great shows, with deep and complex story lines and character development. Why do we insist on wasting our time with this political garbage? The dems will be dems. The repubs will be repubs. The libs complained about bush for 8 years and the repubs will complain about Obama for 4 or possibly 8 years. The best thing you can do is stick to your beliefs and opinions and quit letting political radicals make your decisions for you. It's ridiculous, accomplishes nothing and will only eat at your soul. GET THAT CRAP OUT OF YOUR BRAIN! You will be happier, trust me.

4. Passing lane offenders.

Most traffic violations I can deal with. No turn signal, speeding, equipment violations... etc. I don't mind that. It's not my job to patrol and enforce that, that's what paid law enforcement officers are supposed to do. I can't stand people who violate the passing lane laws. For instance. It's illegal for a vehicle over 10,000lb GVW to be in the car pool lane or the passing lane. Also, no vehicles towing trailers can be in those lanes. Empty trailer or full. It's illegal. Yet we see idiots with big, lifted, redneck trucks pulling their landscaping company equipment behind them with a line of traffic a mile long behind them. Not only is it illegal, but it's also inconsiderate. What happened to lane etiquette? Or hell... even common courtesy? It's not your job to enforce the speed laws. If there are people behind you, then you need to get out of their way and let them pass. That brings me to another law that is in effect on I-15 from Spanish Fork to Ogden. KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS. These nut jobs that hold up the passing lane should be taken out and stoned to death. And I am sick and tired of UHP not enforcing those laws. But even if they wanted to, there isn't enough man power in the universe to enforce these laws in Utah. I would estimate that a good 30-45% of Utah drivers disregard these laws on a daily basis. These people have no respect for other drivers. They don't care who's lives they effect or how big of an asshole they really are. These people are a chronic disease of the interstate transportation system. These people are the direct cause for expansion costs, traffic jams, delays and subsequent accidents that effect our lives every day. I hope you never encounter a driver like me on the road. I don't take that crap and it will become VERY clear to you VERY soon if you choose break those laws while I am around. Take your cracker jacks drivers license and run and hide now, cause I will get you.

3. ____________ is bad because of the economy.

Bad news about the economy is getting old. It's no news that nearly all aspects of our lives are effect by the economy. Please don't remind me on a hourly basis. I think companies (my employer included) use the bad economy as an excuse to treat employees like dirt bags. More millionaires are created in bad times than any other economic climate. It's no news, yet our thriving capitalist society feasts on that. Any reason people have to screw subordinates, they will take it. Too bad we live in that kind of society. What happened to quality of life and livelihood of your fellow human beings? Greed and disdain are rampant in the world. Oh well. Do me a favor and don't pass on bad news about the economy. Nobody cares anymore.

2. Misleading advertising.

I was in autozone the other day purchasing an air filter system to repair my friend's car. There was a sale sticker stuck over the price for the filter we wanted, so we decided to get it. When we get up to the counter, it rings up at a higher rate. I told him that there was a sale on the item. He said, no that is for the filter two rows below it. So I said, then why is it pasted on this item then? He ran to get the sign and showed me that it was for this UPC number, which did not match our product. So... in order for me to know it was for another product, I had to actually compare the bar codes on the product. What the hell? I asked why it was pasted over the product we wanted and he said "corporate says that's how they want it cause it works best". By this time, the manager had joined the argument. They made me feel like crap in front of all the other customers. Wow. Thanks for bending your customers over to make an extra 2 bucks. When I worked at Checker Auto, we never treated customers like that. Even if the planograms were wrong or a sale sign was stuck in the wrong place, we usually gave it to the customer to make them happy. That creates return business and loyal customers. I for one will NEVER go back to Autozone for anything. As a matter of fact, Checker/O'reilly will beat Autozone's price by 5%. Autozone will only match competitors price, but checker will beat any competitor's price. That means, no matter what I need, I can always get it cheaper at Checker. There's no need for me to go to Autozone anymore. I don't want to promote that kind of behavior in business. That's the beauty of competition... I don't have to buy from you. Do yourself a favor and avoid Autozone.

http://www.autozone.com

1. Jimmy Chunga

My number one most hated thing in the world is Jim Chunga. He runs 101.9 "The End" morning radio show. I used to love this guy... I can't believe I actually soaked up his crap. My wife always loved Radio From Hell on 96.3, but I was loyal to Chunga at the time. I was listening to a feature they run called "what's happening hot stuff?" and Chunga would actually hang up on people and make fun of them on the air for various reasons or sometime no reason at all. Why? I have no idea. These were loyal listeners of the station! Chunga has a superiority complex and he feels like he can boss people around because of the title he carries. He starred on dozens of 1 star movies and interview people as important as Nicholas Cage!!! This guy is a jerk to everyone he meets, including his own family. Jimmy has publicly denounced his family and friends. Chunga is one of the most awful people in the world and this company has actually given him a radio show to broadcast his crap to thousands of people. He can't act, he treats people like garbage, his radio show is boring and worst of all... he thinks all of this is ok! I can't stand this man. The world will be a better place when he is gone and I can only hope and pray for that day to come soon. Thanks Chunga... I hope you enjoy your position in the ratings, right below Radio From Hell. Right where you belong. #2. That's all you are is second best. Get used to it "Brett" you ignorant prick.

http://www.jimmychunga.com

http://www.x96.com/rfh

-Serrated

Automobile Production

When you really stop to think about the collective effort in automobile production, its amazing how they can even turn a profit. The Automobile industry truly is a thing of beauty. They have figured out how employ a team of engineers who use professional skills that took them decades to learn and develop. A team of engineers who study 100+ years of research in experimental and mainstream mechanical technology and physics. A team of engineers specifically dedicated to making an automobile safe for it's occupants in any billion number of accident scenarios. A team of designers that spend years studying trends in style to make sure we will like how the automobile looks. A team who's primary responsibility is to test the automobile in any situation, to it's limits and beyond to find weak points and any other place that can be improved. A factory with 2,500+ workers, most with degrees or decades of assembly experience. $15,000,000,000 worth of robotics. Robotics that wear out every 3 years and must be checked daily for proper operation. Let's not forget accounting, PR, marketing, R&D, worldwide shipment, dealer network and service infrastructure. On top of that, the government regulations in emissions, safety and taxation. In order for an automobile to go from conception to reality, I would estimate that over 100,000 people would have a hand in the process at some point. Be it the auto company, government or somebody along the line. All these hands have to be paid in one way or another. All of the sudden 20 grand for a new car doesn't sound so bad, does it?

I am a pretty intense critic of American cars. Ever since I started getting interested in European cars, I found most American cars are lackluster and uninspired. It seems our cultural style and economic engine has forced the American based companies into cheap, point A to point B appliances. It really is staggering to see how big of a pile our cars have become. Cadillac and Buick. Two companies that used to be know for making some of the best luxury cars on the planet is now nothing more than a Chevrolet Impala with a different bumper and badge. Filled with cheap plastic and a snap together interior full of cheap knobs and crappy cloth. Even if the aesthetics sucked, they still could have spent some money in the mechanical department and made a car that could go beyond 75,000 miles without needing a major repair... but they couldn't even do that. Armed with an invincibility complex, they were so bent on making profits that they just sat back and watched while Germany and Japan took their market share in a matter of 15 years.

America just doesn't get it anymore. Our best stuff can't touch the European and Asian mainstream. They can do it... cheaper, faster, more reliable and better looking. Why can't we?

Driving Culture

I have a 2000 Volkswagen Jetta TDI and I must profess my deep love and appreciation for the thing. Tonight, I took a long drive in the car. It seems every time I drive the car, I find some new aspect of the car to appreciate and think about. Tonight I paid particular attention to the dashboard, instruments and steering wheel. The amount of design, engineering, materials and human ingenuity that went into just these three things is staggering. There is more technology in the fuel gauge, than there is in an entire 1951 Volkswagen Beetle. My TDI is without a doubt one of coolest and most understated cars on the road.

I had a chance to really try some new American cars lately. Not just test drives, but thousands of miles spanning weeks and months. The Dodge Charger, Chevy Malibu, Ford Fusion, Toyota Sienna and Ford Escape amongst many others. They all seemed to be good transportation, but I always found myself comparing them to my TDI. It should be noted that these cars have a 9 year head start on my TDI. The Charger definitely looked better, the Malibu had a much cheaper MSRP, the Sienna had gobs of horsepower and the Escape was very utilitarian. What do they all lack? Soul. With the exception of some expensive exotics, I have found no new age car that can match the soul and overall quality of my lowly old TDI. I find it disconcerting that American people as a whole so quickly dismiss something so important as soul. In order to save a trivial amount of money, they will put themselves through 100,000+ miles of boring, spiritless and stale driving experience. Most might contest that "they don't care" and just want a cheap car. But... driving is a wonderful and joyous experience!!! I can't comprehend why anybody wouldn't want a little piece of that.

40 years ago... the Americans got it. Automobiles were inexpensive, fast and dangerously fun. As the years went by, the cars got softer and cheaper. Now today they are just uninspired pieces of rubbish. The Viper is gone now, the plastic Corvette with zip ties and duct tape and the Ford GT is $100,000. It's no wonder the auto industry is going bankrupt! Europe is laughing at us, Japan is plotting the next way to clean out our bank accounts and China is serving up auto parts made from old recycled cars to the food we eat to the plates we eat them on. What in the hell happened to that America of 40 years ago?

It's important that we realize how important automobiles are to our culture and we need to try hard to preserve that. That's just something to think about next time you purchase an automobile. Sometimes it's not about the money. I for one will gladly spend a few grand more when I buy a car if that means I can enjoy a lifetime of superb and enjoyable miles on the road.

Voicemail

If you have tried to leave a voicemail for anyone lately you may have heard the following message before you were actually finished speaking:

"If you are finished recording, hang up or press the "#" key. To continue recording where you left off press "3". To erase and re-record... blah blah blah."

This seems to be a growing trend I have noticed. Infected service providers are At&t and Sprint that I know of. What happens is you will be leaving an important message and all of the sudden (mid sentence) you get cut off by the auto attendant asking you if you are finished and giving you a list of options. What happened to the good old-fashioned format of just HANGING UP when you are finished?!!!!!

It's not the ID10T error, its the service providers trying to cut costs by shortening messages that are unnecessarily long and therefore reducing data usage. Well... Who defines whether a message is unnecessary or IMPORTANT? Certainly not anyone with half a damn brain. For those non-believers here, consider these facts:

1. I am a LOUD and frequently obnoxious person. I have greater than average lung capacity and a hellacious voice that can carry through a concrete wall. So I am pretty sure that I am speaking loud enough into the microphone.

2. This is a continuing issue with multiple phones and service providers. I used to think this problem came from a weak microphone on the one particular phone I was using. Nope. This issue followed me from an LG Voyager with Verizon, LG Shine with At&t, HP Ipaq with At&t and now my Samsung Blackjack II with At&t. It's not a service or equipment problem.

3. I don't live on the bayou with uncle Lester. I live in a metro area, rarely dipping below 80% signal strength. This issue cannot possibly stem from my service quality because it's always great.

Its obvious that the voicemail system is poorly designed and implemented by a three year old. If you need to cut costs, save money, lower your overhead in the data center... fine. DO IT! But for HELL'S SAKE... FIX THE DAMN VOICEMAIL SYSTEM! There's often no easy way around the problem. I have to YELL into the mic on my phone and pray that I don't stop speaking for 1/4 of a second or the auto attendant may interrupt me and ask me if I am done! So now my important messages are 7 seconds long and it sounds like I am angry in every message. This surely isn't good for business and I don't even want to know what my friends think about these messages I leave. This isn't just a simple issue I can go into the admin menu on my voicemail and change... It's a system wide thing. Even if it was a menu option, I can't expect everyone with infected service to go in and make the change. This is a top level service issue and the only way to fix it is to initiate a war between the providers and consumers. Call them, email them, cancel service, BLOG about it... Do whatever you can! This "cost cutting" atrocity is eating away at our lives and culture! ACTION IS NEEDED NOW!!!!!!!

http://www.wireless.att.com/about/contact-us/contact-us.jsp

http://www.sprint.com/contactus/?id8=vanity:contact

Angry Old People

Today I was attacked and nearly killed by an old man.

It all started after I decided to get my old 1994 Jetta out of storage and try to finish the project I started nearly three years ago. I wont bore you with the details about the car, so to put that long story short, it was ready for a test drive. Currently the car has no muffler. It's very loud, obnoxious and attracts a lot of unwanted attention. It's not loud because I want it to be... in fact, it's loud only because I cannot currently afford a proper exhaust system for it... so I just had the exhaust shop weld in some cheap pieces of pipe while I was figuring out what I wanted to do with the project. I would also like to think that I am passed that point in my life where I use any means possible of attracting attention to myself. For most people, that stage begins at about 15 years of age and continues to about 21, but that's only a loose guideline... I have seen many people well into their 30s exhibiting this childish behavior. Anyways, I hate excessively loud cars.

About the old man. I figure he's probably in his early to mid 70s. He's about 5'6" and probably 180lbs. He wears a tan cowboy hat and a button up shirt. Nearly every day I see him walk up my street... sometimes multiple times per day frequently returning with a mysterious bottle of something inside a brown paper bag.

Anyways, I added a turbocharger to my Jetta so we have been trying to get the tuning right... and there's really no other way to do that than take it for a drive and record the results. I drove west of my street into the more "rural" part of the village. My car, less one muffler was making quite a bit of noise. Well, I turned down a residential road (which paralleled the main road) en route back to my house to make some more adjustments. The same road which Old Man Withers lives on. Going no faster than 20mph the old drunk rockets up from his lounge chair, comfortably positioned on the porch of his modular home and makes a dead sprint for the road. As I drive passed he screams "YEWWW SHHHLOOWW THE F*** DUUUOOOWWN!" while shaking his fists at me. Preparing for his alcoholic fiesta he had already taken his cowboy hat and shoes off.

Let's get this straight... I never broke the law. In fact, I never went above the 30mph speed limit on the main road nor the 25mph speed limit in the residential area. It doesn't take a genius to look at my crappy car coming down the road and see that I am not speeding... I mean seriously. I was practically crawling down this street. The only thing I can think that set this hammered old man off was the noise coming from my car. This drunk dink was totally enraged simply by the sound of my car. He acted not knowing any other part of the story other than the information supplied by his defeated and vain sense of hearing.

As the befuddled old man got smaller in my rear view mirror, the thought crossed my mind to go back there and ask him what the crap his problem was? I really wanted to find out what was so wrong about my driving through his neighborhood. I wanted to see the plastered look on his face when I told him I was only going 20mph and that if he had a problem with that then he could call the police and that here was my plate number... at which point I remember that my plates were expired and my insurance had lapsed. Those were really the only laws I broke.

I have developed a theory.

This old man... who had recently taken three sheets to the wind was more than likely a retired farmer who's license had been revoked due to too many DUI's. Why else would a 75 year old arthritic cowboy walk into town 3 times a day returning with another bottle of elixir? This feeble form of vigilante justice exists only to make himself feel important in his boring, glazed existence. After loosing his privilege to drive, he feels a need to take out his ever growing anger on anyone who would dare shake up a quiet neighborhood with a apocalyptically ferocious 20mph fly by in a riced out Jetta.

I guess the old saying let sleeping dogs lie or... let juiced cowboys lie has a ring of truth to it. After all, the man has seen 6 BIG wars, the effects of the great depression, the rise and fall of communism, hitler/nazis and worst of all... George W. Bush. With that in mind, perhaps this old man has a right to be angry and ornery? Hell... even I would probably take up drinking after George W. Bush! But... after all... it WAS my fault for driving down his street. If I had taken 750 south instead, this poor public display of lunacy would have never happened. Cest la vie.


http://www.aa.org/

UPDATE: 5/13/09

A picture of the old man.

Hello World!

Hello and welcome to the Serrated Ramblings blog. Let's start out by laying down some of the policies and ground rules... ehh, let's call it a disclaimer.

1.) This blog is an outlet for my day-to-day frustrations. I am not here to cater to anyone but myself. Many, if not all of my entries will probably be offensive, preposterous and downright silly. A lot of the things I will talk about will be ridiculous and I probably won't have any factual grounds! Some of you may find it hilarious or just flat out entertaining. Either way, I don't care if you like me or not. I'm not here to make any friends. All I want is a place to talk about stuff that REALLY annoys me. Stuff that if you are doing, please.... S T O P I T!!! Man... things are getting SERRATED already... Dang!

2.) I am not an English professor or anything of the like. As a matter of fact, I am a B- English student. Most of my entries will likely be riddled with terrible grammar and punctuation. Hopefully with the help of my trusty Firefox spell check, I'll get that much right. But again... I don't care what the English nerds think. This is my blog. Lastly, I really like to use the three dots at the end of many... well... let's just say... "thoughts". I am a huge fan of the ... . It is likely that will see many, if not hundreds of these ...'s riddled throughout my entries. If you are a fan of the ...'s chances are we will get a long real well. If not... then... Well, I don't really have any clever threats at this time, so we'll just leave it at that.

3.) Try to not stereotype this into an "evil, anarchist, emo, devilish, goth" blog. It may be dark and depressing to look at. The fact of the matter is, I am far too fed up with the pretty, fancy "fisher price" looking blogs that have become so common in our world. Honestly, all the people really want to see is the content. If people would put half their effort into good content instead of how the dang blog looks, we'd have some pretty great blogs. Truth be told, I have never worn black fingernail polish, dyed my hair or participated in a ritualistic sacrifice of animals or virgins. (speaking of stereotypes... haha). No ulterior motives here. I am just an average joe. I was just too lazy to spend 6 hours in photoshop, and 10 hours on the dashboard trying to make it perfect.

4.) 50% of my job is driving. Good old Interstate 15. Many of my blogs will focus around traffic related idiocy since 20-50% of my day is spent behind the wheel of a 2008 Ford Escape. If that or anything else listed herein isnt' your cup of tea, here's the door.

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Ok... now that we have that out of the way, let me introduce myself. I am a simple, yet complex man from the deepest darkest reaches of the United States in a land called "UTAH". I live in an area surrounded by large collections of rock called "mountains". These mountains seem to block common sense and good judgment from a lot of the inhabitants who live here. Lack of common sense can be hilarious to watch on youtube, but when you have to experience it first hand, it gets annoying very quickly. I've tried to be the conduit of change many a one times, but my efforts have been fruitless thus far. This blog is my last ditch effort to cope with my surroundings. Through anger management and blogging to occupy my time, I just may find a way to survive this life.